Dear Ms Anonymous,
I hope that the past month, where you focused on self-care and self-love, has led you on a journey to reclaim your life! Did you find that focusing on yourself for a little while made you feel refreshed? When you scheduled time for yourself, did you feel more whole?
I started this journey back in January because I was feeling lack in some areas of my life. There were times when I lost my voice, afraid to speak up for what I wanted, or believed in. I had allowed the feelings of envy and comparison to take such a strong root in my life that I couldn’t see the blessings all around me. I wanted to be taken care of, in the same way that I was constantly taking care of others.
When did I allow my life to become someone else’s?
For me, it started with control in my childhood. During my foster care journey, one of my favorite trainers, Walter, told me that you can’t control what someone else does. So true, for how I treat others! But also, so false, for my upbringing!
As I do a deep dive into my childhood, I am forced to think about the “perfectionist” that I always tried to be, in order to gain the approval of family and teachers. But that control and approval didn’t teach me how to be my own person. It taught me how to be the best version of someone else. I learned that I could gain approval from those around me, by being who they wanted me to be.
It wasn’t until adulthood that I realized that I could have goals, feelings, thoughts, and “a life” that were all my own. Have you had a similar experience? Perhaps you are just discovering this right now, for the first time. I’m glad I could be part of your “a ha” moment.
Maybe for you, it was someone who you thought was supposed to empower you, that told you that you would never amount to anything. And then you allowed that to be your truth. Why did you give that person so much power over your life? Does that person, or someone else, still have the power to control you?
Reclaiming your power
If you followed along with my posts all through March, then you definitely have some great tools under your belt to utilize during your self-care journey. And hopefully, you have learned the connection between self-care and self-love. How one impacts the other, and how they are both necessary in order to live your best life.
In the 30 days that it took me to write these posts, I’ve been thinking about the power I have in my life. Yes, 5′ 2″ me. I have power. And so do you!
You get to show others how to treat you
I have the power to show people who I am, and how I want to be treated. I show them this by the way that I present myself, as well as, treat myself. I’ve learned that when I play small in the world, people will treat me as such. And when I don’t make time for the things I care about, then people feel like they can dictate how I spend my time, because I’m always available to them.
Today, let’s decide to reclaim our power – no matter how big or how small our physical bodies are. We do not have to continue to play small to placate everybody else.
Your goals, feelings, thoughts, life… matters
When we decide that we are being selfish if we take time away from our spouses, children, family, friends, and other commitments, we are telling the world that everything else matters. Except, ourselves. There is no reason to believe that we are any less important than the list above. We should put ourselves as the first priority on the list of “things to work on” because we deserve our attention.
If you are a mom, or a parent in general, do you want your children to grow up thinking that their goals, feelings, and thoughts don’t matter? No. You want them to speak their mind, tell you how they feel, and share their ideas with you. Because you want them to grow into the beautiful creators that they are destined to be!
So, why is it that we stunt ourselves? Why do we swallow our emotions down so hard, that it takes the jaws of life to get out how we feel?
Today, let’s decide to reclaim our lives. Let’s continue to make ourselves a high priority on the list. The more we show up for ourselves in a big way, the more we can show others that we matter, and we have control over our lives.
How can you reclaim something you didn’t realize was gone?
Perhaps you are here because you recently felt so departed from your old self. You might not even recognize yourself any more. Maybe you have spent so much time caring for others, that the neglect is starting to show in more areas of your life? It could be that you’ve been saying “yes” to every request, that you have now become the ultimate people-pleaser, who doesn’t even know how to please yourself.
Does any of this sound like you?
Then perhaps it’s time you found your way back. It’s time you spent some quality time rediscovering your interests, passions, likes, and dislikes. Maybe you need to seek a meaningful connection to a greater calling, or a spiritual being.
I don’t quite know what exactly it is that you need. But what I do know is this: with some introspection, you can figure it out. Deep down inside, you are the only one who can answer the question – “what would make me feel more whole?”
Seek wise counsel from a life coach
If you’ve come from a family like mine, then you are surrounded by people who love to tell you what to do. But they don’t leave room for you to do any soul searching and figure it out on your own.
For some people that’s exactly what they need – just give them the play book, and they’ll run it. What I’ve come to realize is, that doesn’t work for me.
I have to find my own play book. And not just find, but design! I’ll take a little bit from this knowledgeable person, and a little dash of this person’s experience. From there I’ll cobble together a plan to get from point A (where I am right now) to point B (my end goal, and beyond).
Recently, after becoming an avid podcast listener, I’ve decided that I want to do more with my life. I want to continue to reclaim areas of my life where I’ve felt lack, and small. But more than that, I want to help others do the same. So, I’ve decided to take a step into unknown territory for myself and become a life success coach.
Upon consideration of this I realize that it’s not actually unknown territory. If you know me, then you can vouch for the fact that I’m always helping someone else figure out how to accomplish a dream. I’m a visionary. You tell me what your dream or goal is, and I’ll help you plan all of the steps to get there – design the play book, if you will. It’s not foreign territory – it’s my past, present and future life. And by the end of 2020, I hope to make it a career.
How did I get here, and where am I going?
If I never started this blog, I don’t think I would have found a deeper meaning or calling for my life so soon. The fact that a conversation, turned into a blog within a month, and then some words on the internet turned into a calling – well, that’s just divine intervention.
In the past, I never looked at how my upbringing affected me and molded me into the person that I am today. It never really mattered to me before. But what I now realize is, that it does affect me, especially the person that I am becoming. Everyday where I’ve been impacts where I’m going. And how I present myself to the world impacts who I become.
Next month I’m going to dig further into developing your “self” concept – self-confidence, self-image, and self-esteem! We’ll do a deep dive into how overcoming fears teaches you to believe in your abilities. I’ll explain how your appearance affects how you show up in the world, physically and mentally. We’ll look at how social media can both help you build a personal brand, but also tear down your body image. We’re going to do a full unmasking where you’ll discover how you’ve been presenting yourself to the world, and why it may be time to change that!
With love,
P.S. – Girlfriend, a more confident you is on her way. Stay tuned.
P.S.S. – I have some great options for coaching with me! You can take a Journey of Self-Discovery; join the Dream It Achieve It program to turn your ideas into reality; or join Let’s Get Visible to become the go-to expert for your audience.