Unmasking your self-confidence

Dear Ms Anonymous,

Are you ready for a month of redefining your self-concept!? I’m probably going to make you very uncomfortable, but trust me, you’ll thank me later! This month, we’ll challenge your inner narrative in order to develop a positive self-concept. We’ll unearth everything from your self-confidence, and self-esteem, to your self-worth. Because the real you deserves it!

Let’s start with self-confidence

Your self-confidence is trusting in your abilities, qualities and judgment.

How do you feel about your self-confidence? Do you believe in your ability to achieve things in your life? Are the qualities that you possess ones that you value in other people? Do you make decisions that put you in good positions for your future?

I started 2020 with the goal to redefine my life. That was an intentional decision, because I wanted to grow the confidence I had in myself. I didn’t want to remain stuck in who I thought I should be. My goal was to grow into a more confident version of myself. One that pushed boundaries to decide who I am, and who I am becoming.

In order to positively create our self-concept, including self-confidence, we need to do the hard work of changing our inner narrative. Your inner narrative is what you tell yourself, about yourself. It’s the running thoughts that are in your head, making either true or false statements about who you are.

In order to change our inner narrative, we must: first, identify self-limiting beliefs; second, challenge self-limiting beliefs; and third, decide to change the narrative.

Challenging self-limiting beliefs

Since our self-confidence is based on our belief in our abilities, we must identify and challenge any negative thoughts we have about that. Here is a good approach to use to rewrite our inner narrative regarding our self-confidence:

1. I am not as good as X (identify)
2. No one is better or worse than me (challenge)
3. We all have unique qualities (change/rewrite)

Let’s apply this three step approach to a typical professional scenario. Imagine you have recently been hired at New Corporation. There is a project starting up, and you’re interested in applying to lead it. You are talking to a friend/co-worker about applying to be the leader of the project, but you are having doubts.

You start by explaining that you don’t have the same skills and abilities that X has, therefore X would be a better choice for the project lead. (This is your self-limiting belief.)

Your friend then reminds you of all the great characteristics you do have that make you a perfect leader for the project. This includes time management, vision, being a great people person, ability to work well under pressure, and so much more. (These are the truths that challenge your self-limiting beliefs.)

You come to the conclusion that even though X has great qualities, so do you! You are both excellent candidates for the job, and would each bring different skill sets to the project. (Your narrative has now been changed.)

Building self-confidence

Here’s the challenging part – in order to build self-confidence, you must first discover what areas you lack it. We struggle here because we wear masks in every aspect of our lives. Showing other people who we really are is just so difficult. We don’t want to be seen as “other”. Fitting in is something that we aspire to do.

The great unmasking

The concept of unmasking has been one that has captivated me for the better part of a year. It started with my book club reading She’s Still There: Rescuing the Girl in You by Chrystal Evans Hurst, and I couldn’t help but bring it to this blog post.

Are there areas or spaces in your life where you feel like you have a different persona, or wear a mask, if you will? We create fake personas at home, where we work, with friends and family. How is it that even with the people we are closest to we cannot be our authentic selves?

Would you feel exposed if you walked in your true identity and allowed people to get to know the real you?

Why do we wear these masks anyway?

The truth is we wear masks to cover up what we don’t want other people to see: our pain, and our shame. No one wants to be the person who is not “okay”. But the truth is that we all have flaws. We are all human, and each and every one of us has an area of our lives where we need help!

Let’s decide today to take our masks off – starting with just one area of our lives. Yes, I know it’s scary. I am working on removing the mask in all areas of my life. Because I want to live my authentic life. I want to be myself, instead of what society thinks I should be. I am redefining myself on my terms. Letting go of what doesn’t serve me, and stepping into who I want to be.

Changing your thoughts

It’s so easy to hide behind a mask. No one can tell who we really are, and most likely no one is going to call us out on it. But isn’t it time you called yourself out? This is what changing your inner narrative is all about.

It’s about changing the negative thought patterns that you have been stuck in for so long that they just feel natural to you now. When your first thought is “I’m not good enough” – that should be the wake up call you need to change your thoughts, in order to change your life.

The problem with negative thoughts is that all it takes is one. Just one little thought can send you on a downward spiral because it invites all its little friends to come take root in your head. And then all of the sudden you start feeling depressed. Then you can’t get out of bed. The result is you actually not being good enough because you believed it! You let that one thought create your whole belief system about yourself.

Challenge your thoughts with the truth

Do not give that one thought power. Stop it dead in its tracks with a challenge. The challenge is the truth! Because all that thought is, is a lie!

There is no way you made it all of these years on this Earth if you were not good enough. You have gifts that are unique to you, that you bring to the world. The problem is, sometimes we are so caught up in the negative thought spiral that we can’t see those gifts. That’s when you phone a friend!

We all have that one friend that champions us, that tells us the truth about ourselves even when we don’t want to hear it, or can’t see it for ourselves. That’s the person you need on speed dial.

There are people in your life that will do the opposite. And when you feel like you’re going to the negative place – stay away from negative people. You need someone to build you up! Someone that can boost your self-confidence through helping you awaken your truth.

Rewriting your inner narrative

Self-confidence is not something that you can achieve overnight. But it is something that you can aspire to every day. The truth is that self-confidence must be built – brick by brick, lesson by lesson, story by story.

Start to lay a solid foundation for your self-confidence by rewriting your inner narrative. Do not set your life’s anchor on the negative things that other people have said about you. Or what you’ve said about yourself in the past. The past is over. The future is here. Now is your chance to change your life.

If you struggle with your ability to do something, then find the skills you need to do it better. You are only limited by the steps you take to achieve what you want. If you want a better story for your life, then write it. Start with how you see yourself and what you tell yourself.

Remember what I said about the use of affirmations? They are statements of truth that promote inner peace, happiness and empowerment. Affirmations remind you of your full potential and give you encouragement to live in a world full of pain and uncertainty. Using affirmations help you put down the mask, and pick up your truth. Even if your truth is hard, and ugly – there’s beauty in that.

Are you ready to rewrite your inner narrative and step confidently into the woman you want to become, then join my program The Journey to Self-Discovery! I want to walk with you on this path.

Proceed to self-confidence

You can change the direction of your life, if you haven’t loved where you’ve been. It’s your choice. Are you going to stay stuck in the negative thoughts? Or are you going to choose to see that the only thing holding you back… is you?

With love,

P.S. – You get to decide how you show up in the world. Are you going to decide to hide your true self, or bask in your authenticity? Decide that living a self-confident life is the only way to go. Expose your self-limiting beliefs for what they are – limiting. And proceed confidently into your future.