Dear Ms Anonymous,
We made it to the last new word Wednesday!! #redefiningme #newwordwednesday
I hope that you have been finding some benefit to redefining yourself through the use of new words. I know that it has changed my mindset, and made me more aware of how I present myself to the world. But more than that, how I feel about myself – who I am, and who I’m becoming in 2020.
The last three words
When I sat down to consider my last three words, the theme that kept coming up was finding the strength within. Faith-filled, honest, and strong are my last three words #redefiningme on #newwordwednesday.
Finding strength in being faith-filled
Although I grew up in a household where we went to church religiously, I don’t remember talking much about faith. And by faith I mean, that complete trust and confidence in God. I feel like back in college maybe we talked more about faith, but even those discussions were quite hollow.
I went through periods in my adult life where I needed the strength to believe in a higher power. Right after getting married I longed for a baby. That would signify the start of our family. But it just wasn’t working out. I needed strength to get through those hard months.
In my search for faith, I found prayer. And in prayer, I found God. After that, everything started to change.
Faith in foster care
I always knew I wanted kids, but really didn’t think that getting them the traditional way would be so hard. There are plenty of other ways to build a family, so I knew eventually I would figure out how to build mine.
In 2017, I felt the calling of foster care placed heavily on my heart. When I started exploring what foster care was, I found out that one of the women I worked with had recently become a foster parent. Days later, after a brief conversation about her experience, she referred me to her agency.
And although that connection with her agency didn’t work out, my heart led me to more research. Digging further through AdoptUSKids.com led me to a little boy’s face that I just couldn’t forget.
An inquiry about that child led me to become a foster parent through his agency. And while several months had come and gone, a check in with his social worker led to an e-mail saying that he was seeking a home! Within just a few short weeks while we were traveling back from a vacation to Nashville, we were able to stop into his area and meet this child, that I call J.
After a lot of months of driving to visit J every other weekend, endless amounts of team meetings, and preparing his room, we had a move day scheduled to bring J home. And in what seemed like not much time had gone by since the very first inkling of the calling to foster care, we had finally become parents. If that’s not faith at work, I don’t know what is!
The strength to be honest
But that was my pre-2020 faith. And let me tell you, it was a strong-willed faith. I had never know that faith before. I can’t remember how many roadblocks we faced during that time. Every time I thought that something wasn’t going to work out, it did!
In 2020, I want to be even more faith-filled than I have been. I want to learn the truths about what God says about me, and how He will change my life. This year, I long to have the strength to believe that God has plans for my future!
I’m going to be open and honest about what happened during that faith-filled journey described above. The honest truth is that foster care built my faith. And not in a way that I would have expected.
Have you ever had an experience that you thought would end one way, and went the opposite?
Building strength through adversity
Foster care is not for the weak. My journey began with an open heart, and ended with a suit of armor. I had to find my strength in and through foster care.
Foster care is messy. You fight hard to do your best for a child that you have very limited information about. Inside the foster care system, I had to find every resource myself, and gain knowledge through literature, instead of people. My voice became an advocate for a little person who really needed much more than we could give.
So, despite the 2 year journey to J, in the end we had to say goodbye. J was the Goliath problem that helped me gain the strength I would need for the future.
And sadly, the goal of adopting this child, reverted my husband and I to being a family of 2. But that’s what was best for all three of us. In the face of adversity, we all stood strong, and did our best. And even through all of that, our journey to build a family continues.
Getting through the hard things
What experiences have you had that have tested or built your strength? Who were the ones around you that helped you get through those experiences? Do you lean into your faith to get you through the hard things?
I know that God can perform a miracle in my life. I have crazy faith to believe that. I’ve seen it done first hand. Never did I imagine that the child I first saw online would make me a parent for the first time.
And while those few months with J felt like we were all sitting inside of a storm, perhaps that was the set-up for our next miracle. In 2020, we’ll find out!
With love,
P.S. – Remember, I’m waiting for you to upload your pictures tagged @dearmsanonymous #newwordwednesday to instagram so I can celebrate your new words in a post next month! If you posted how your 10 words are impacting your life, you could be featured right here on Dear Ms Anonymous!