Courage and hope: when God sends an angel

Dear Ms Anonymous,

Have you ever found yourself struggling with something that’s way bigger than you can handle on your own? Or maybe you had a major life event, that required courage and hope to get through?

Courage in the face of fear

I met a woman through a Facebook group. She was looking to interview people for her blog, Journeys of Hope. That’s probably what caught my eye – the word journey. That word has taken root in my life for the past 3 years.

I thought she might have been interested in hearing about my foster care journey. It was one that was filled with both hope, and courage. Hope because of the dreams I had for my adoption journey. And courage for the long journey we went through to get the child home with our family.

From the very beginning of our conversation, I knew that God had His hands in it. This woman used to provide intensive in home therapy for children with behavioral problems, and their families.

We could have used her assistance throughout those really hard 5 months. When the adjustment wasn’t going well, and the behaviors started creating sleepless nights and intense conversations. We needed courage to get through the journey because it was nothing like we had planned.

Hope in the face of despair

Journeys of Hope is a blog about life’s journeys, and our struggles through terrible times. And don’t we all have terrible times in our journey!?!? But the message isn’t about the terrible times, it’s about the hope. The hope is always there waiting for us at the end of the terrible times. Hope helps us through the journey.

So, I began to describe the journey that we had gone through- starting with the picture that I had seen on the adoptuskids.com website. That led me to reaching out to the placement specialist, that eventually led to an e-mail that said he’s looking for a forever family, just a few weeks later.

The massive level of orchestration that God had to do in order to get this child to my home was one that only He could. It was 8 months of traveling across the state, almost every other weekend, before we could have our move in date. A date I thought would never arrive.

June 15, 2019. It feels like light years ago. Technically, a year almost to this day. But the sting is still there. And even throughout the months of struggle between June and December, I still always had hope. Hope that everything would come together. That he would settle in, and settle down. Hope that we would be able to work everything out and sign adoption papers not after too long. It had already taken us over a year and a half to bring him home.

When hope isn’t enough

But hope wasn’t enough to make us whole. And on a not so cold December morning, he was picked up by the social worker. With not many words exchanged, and not even so much as a goodbye hug, he was out of our lives.

Yeah, hope was not enough. We needed a lot more – intensive in-home therapy would have been a great start. Someone to guide us through all of the trauma that had been experienced, and that was still lingering.

But, like I said. God sends an angel with a message. It was sometime in late November I think. I was listening to a sermon by Michael Todd of Transformation Church called “How do you know a relationship has to end?” And boy did it hit all of the reasons why I could no longer continue to parent this child. God was actually calling him back to where he came from. And I had to allow it.

Even though I strongly believe God put this child in my life, I also had to believe that He could ask for him back. And I had no choice but to give the ultimate sacrifice.

It’s been about a year since the move in, and 6 months since the move out, and for so long the sting lingered. The sadness took up residence in my eyes. The grief laid heavy on my heart.

I had the courage to say yes, and then yes again. Yes, send me my child. And yes, you can have him back.

But it took away my hope. Until I met this woman who had my next message.

God sends a message of hope

While we were talking, a message was laid on her heart that she had to share with me. That, during a very low point in her life, her daughter was taken away from her for a short period of time. As a single mom with no one to turn to, she called a church for some assistance.

This was a church that she had attended a handful of times. But she really didn’t have anywhere else to turn, so that’s where she reached out. The woman who answered the phone that day, said yes too. Yes, she would care for that woman’s child for the period of time that was needed. And yes, when the woman was allowed to return to the child’s life that she would be willing to give the child back to her mother.

During one of the few church services that my messenger had attended, the woman who said yes had testified that she could not bear children. But, because she said yes to the phone call, and to God, years later her no turned into a yes. She became pregnant and over the years she was able to have a few children. God blessed her because she was a blessing to someone in a time of despair.

God makes miracles happen in the face of despair. And He sometimes will give you a test, so you can turn it into a testimony. Sometimes we don’t understand why things happen, but just know that He’s orchestrating everything in your life to happen right on time.

I told a girlfriend of mine recently that I felt like I was in despair, and that the sadness was overwhelming me. This is not something that I share with everyone. But I know it’s because I finally let that out, that God sent me an angel to give me a message of hope.

The message

So, here’s the message. Sometimes the things we go through happen to make us ready for something greater. My journey through foster care was not a failure. I planted seeds of love inside that child’s heart. He was loved, and cared for in ways that maybe he never had been before. And even though he’s not here anymore, I hope that I gave him a new beginning.

And a year later I can give myself a new beginning as well.

I’m thankful that I met this woman on Facebook and that she was able to help me continue on my journey. I’m filled with courage and renewed hope for whatever comes next. Knowing that God has me covered is all I need.

With love,

P.S. – Thank you, to my angel.