Uncovering your self-image

Dear Ms Anonymous,

Have you ever sat down to think about your self-image? Does the way you see yourself affect the things you do and how you show up in the world?

Let’s talk about self-image

Self-image is the perception that you have about yourself. It’s not just about how you see yourself in the mirror. Self-image goes deeper into your view of yourself. It affects the way you think, and act.

Your self-image is built throughout the years of your life. The things that happen to you create a narrative that affects how you view yourself. When you experience success, your mind creates an imprint of that success. You start to believe that you can achieve the things that you want. So, you try to achieve more.

However, when you experience rejection, or failure, your mind creates an imprint of that too. You may start to believe that you can’t do anything right. Or that you will never succeed.

The way that we build these narratives in our minds have a lot to do with our self-image. When we continue to tell ourselves that we can’t do something, then that’s what happens. We don’t actually do it. But, if we were to change the narrative, our brains would reach back for all of the reminders of what we have achieved in the past, in order to visualize our success right now, or in the future.

Uncovering self-image

I say uncovering self-image because it’s a topic that we don’t like to talk about. We want to portray to the outside world one thing, while we struggle inside with the opposite. The truth is, even though you believe that you are portraying confidence to the world, unless you actually believe it, the world sees you exactly the way you are.

I heard someone talk about self-image with the imagery of it being a ball of yarn. It’s all tangled up, and we have to unravel it piece by piece. I totally get that!

Our self-image is wrapped up in our experiences, who we have been in the past, what we’ve accomplished, places we’ve been, our family and friends. That all has a part to play in our perception of ourselves.

But the most important part, is us! We have a major role to play in our self-image. It is up to us to decide who we want to be, and how we want to be portrayed in the world. And if what we want to show up as doesn’t currently match who we are, then it’s our job to make the adjustments. To work on our mindset. To choose growth, instead of regression.

It’s up to us to uncover the parts of ourselves that we do and don’t like. But this takes hard work. One of our major issues with life is that we don’t like to do the work. Especially if it involves looking at our past, talking about our feelings, and really figuring out why we are the way we are.

Why we need introspection?

We need to stop and take time to figure out ourselves because it really is our sole responsibility in life. While we are growing up we are told what to do, and our personalities become what they are because of that. Our formative years are spent becoming someone that we don’t even know! As we mature and grow up, we rely on what we learned as children to inform the person we are becoming.

We learned as children to do what other people tell us to do. We don’t use our minds to think for ourselves. By challenging our parents or teachers we were being insubordinate. But, perhaps we were trying to come into our own. To learn what we actually wanted to believe for ourselves. And to become the individual that we are. Instead we were disciplined for not listening.

So, as we grow up, and become fully functional adults, we need to do that introspection. We need to unravel that ball of yarn that is what everyone else told us, that we believed, that we learned, about who we are. It is our job to uncover our self-image. Release who we thought we should be, in order to show up in the world as who we want to be.

How’s your self-image?

So, in case no one has ever asked you this before, how’s your self-image? On a scale of 1 to 10, what would you rate how you perceive yourself?

Whatever stage you are in right now in your life, I would like to believe that you are progressing. You are spending time to learn about yourself. To become the best version of yourself. Learning to see yourself in a positive light, even with your flaws.

When you have a positive self-image, you don’t look to others for their approval. That’s a hard one to swallow. We all like approval. Compliments from our families and friends are what we seek, especially in romantic relationships.

But here’s the thing – you can’t rely on someone else to boost your self-image. It’s not possible. You have to do the internal work. The way you feel about yourself is your self-image. How other people feel about you is negligible. Honestly, it shouldn’t affect you one bit. But we know that it does. We wouldn’t be human if how other people felt about us didn’t affect us.

However, we can’t make that our priority. We cannot just seek the approval of others in order for us to like ourselves. First, we must like ourselves. And when we show up confidently, loving ourselves, despite our flaws, that’s when we are going to attract the love of others. When the people around us see that we are being our authentic selves, showing up every day with positivity, that’s when they will be drawn to us.

Becoming you

I want to challenge you today to get to know yourself on a deeper level. Do the introspection that is required in order for you to uncover your self-image. Start to unravel all of the assumptions, experiences, and lies that you believe make up who you are. Look deeply into your view of yourself. And decide if you are who you want to be.

With love,

P.S. – Know that you are the only person who can affect your self-image. Commit to doing the work so you can become a person you truly love. We all owe it to ourselves to do at least that.