Dear Ms Anonymous,
Do you identify with the group of people known as introverts? Have you allowed that notion to prevent you from using your voice?
Your voice has power
Yes, you, your words, your voice – you have power! I know as an introvert I always felt like what I had to say wasn’t that important. Speaking up in a group setting was not really my jam. It wasn’t until recently that I realized that my words had power. I had a voice, and I could share my thoughts and opinions with the world.
Growing up, that wasn’t my story! I grew up in a household where my parents, and the rest of the adults, were authority figures. I did whatever they said. And didn’t dare question, or respond. That thought me that my voice was not important.
So, sadly that translated into my adult life. I wouldn’t dare speak up, or speak out against a boss, an older colleague, or anyone else. Until I realized that viewpoint wasn’t serving me. I would get passed over for leadership roles, when I knew that I clearly could do a better job than the person that was picked. That could not be the way that I lived my adult life – sitting in someone else’s shadow. Waiting to be invited to the table.
I was going to force my way through the door, sit down, and speak. Not wait for someone to hopefully call on me. No, I was actually going to insert myself into the conversation if I had something to say. My colleagues now call me their representative. Because in a room filled with voices, I’m the only one that will dare speak up. And I’m damn proud of that.
Your voice has value
If you’re like me, you probably thought (or still think) that only the people with the titles have power, and their words are the ones that matter. They are the partners in the organization. Or the President and Vice President. Perhaps they have a special suffix behind their name – Esq., PhD, or whatever it is. And often, they do hold a higher value. After all, they are the ones paying you to do a job.
But what I’ve learned is that even though my title contains the word “Assistant” – my work, and voice is no less valuable. I see and understand things that they do not. My work has me in the weeds, and on the ground with other key personnel. Without us, the work isn’t getting done. So you are valuable to your organization.
That doesn’t mean just sit down, shut up, and do your work. Nope. Not one bit. That means, if you see something that could be improved with a system that those people with those high degrees aren’t seeing – it’s your responsibility to voice that! Create space for yourself to share your thoughts and feelings with someone who will actually listen. It could be a peer, who can act as your representative. I’ve taken many a concerns to management for other people. Because it benefits them, and me.
I know that my voice is valuable – and if the people I work for aren’t willing to hear it, then I best be finding somewhere else to collect my paycheck. My goal in life is not to be seen as lesser than others – no, I’m a human being, voicing my concerns to another human being. If that’s not valuable, then perhaps hire a robot.
You have something important to share
Have you ever been a part of a conversation, and something comes up that you want to share? And all of the sudden, you freeze. You clam up. You swallow hard, trying to get ready to say something. And then you miss your opportunity because the conversation shifts to something else.
We, introverts, we over analyze everything! Where other people easily join in conversations, we get stuck. It’s not that we don’t have anything to say – we just can’t build up our courage to do so.
And isn’t this what the month of June here on the blog has been all about? Building our courage!?! We need courage in order to share what we want with the world. Whether it be in 1 on 1 conversations, or group discussions. In personal matters, or professional. You know you have something important you want to say – stop holding back.
Find creative ways to share the things that matters to you. They could be ideas, questions, thoughts, suggestions, or a million other things. If you practice putting yourself out there, it will become easier to do.
The world needs your voice, and what you have to say. So go ahead and say it!
You need to claim space for yourself
Am I the only introvert out there that often feels small? I know, I’m only 5’2 – so I’m already small. But small within myself. And small in the world.
It wasn’t until I decided to stop playing small and get myself out there that I realized that I needed to claim space for myself. One of the spaces I’ve created and claimed for myself is this blog. Of course I could hire someone else to write Dear Ms Anonymous letters for me. But it wouldn’t be authentic to me, and my voice.
I’ve also decided to claim space for myself in the universe – in my relationship, in my family, with my friends, and even with strangers. It’s been a process – it’s not easy to voice your opinions, and speak your mind. But it’s so crucial! Having important conversations with people you care about is necessary in order to continue having meaningful relationships.
And those people you care about need to know the real you! There’s so much that we hide from the world, that sometimes we don’t even recognize who’s the real version of us. We create personas and take them on depending on who we are around. But it’s time for us to stop doing that!
Claim space for the real, authentic you in the world. In your world. Start small with one person. And then branch out and connect with another person on a real, emotional level. You’re worth it! And your relationships will be that much brighter, stronger, and powerful, when you start creating space for yourself… your true self.
No one else is going to do it for you
As an introvert you may feel like someone else who is more brave and confident is going to share your opinion or you, or speak on your behalf. You can’t count on that! Your voice, thoughts and opinions, are unique to you. That’s why you have to do your talking for yourself.
Find ways that feel safe, and authentic for you. I’m not suggesting that you go from the quietest girl in the room, to all of the sudden not being able to stop talking to other people. That would be unrealistic. It would feel, and probably be, fake. But fake is not what we’re going for.
We need real people to have real conversations. And not be afraid to have them. I know, I still get scared and hold back at times also. But I’m progressing. The sheer fact that I’m on here doing this is proof.
I want to inspire and motivate you women to be courageous, and use your voice in ways you never thought you could. It will take some time and practice. One conversation at a time you will see yourself start to blossom. Start in a safe space with a trusted friend – share openly with him or her. Then branch out from there.
Or, if you are sitting in a group meeting, and someone asks a question – go ahead and speak your mind. You don’t have to ramble on and on for 30 minutes. Open your mouth, speak your truth, and then that’s it. You share what you need to, pat yourself on the back, have a mini internal dance party, and live to speak another day. That’s courage my friends.
Remember, the only person with your voice, is you.
With love,
