Dear Ms Anonymous,
Have you watched the Netflix original documentary Becoming? Did you feel as inspired and motivated as I did?
This month my book club is starting to read Becoming, by Michelle Obama. I know, we’re light years behind every other book club in America. It’s okay. For the past year we’ve been focused on spiritual books, as we try to get closer to God, and His messages for us.
In the process, we’ve not only become closer to God, we’ve also become closer to each other. As women, we need a circle of close friends who we can share our experiences with, and talk openly. The book is just the vessel that starts the conversation. As we read the chapters, we learn more about ourselves, and we share our stories.
The story of Becoming
I’m not going to tell you all about the book (well, because I haven’t read it yet), or the documentary (even though I’ve seen it multiple times already)! Instead, I want to bring you 5 motivational messages that I believe you need to hear. These are messages that I know, as Ms Anonymous, spoke to me, because I’m attempting to become a more confident version of myself. My goal this year is to elevate into the woman God called me to be.
A letter to Ms Anonymous from FLOTUS
Dear Ms Anonymous,
Your story with all the highs and lows and what seems so ordinary to you… is your power!
Sharing our real stories with each other breaks down barriers. But in order to do that you have to believe that your story has value.
You have to find the tools within yourself to feel visible and to be heard and to use your voice.
When you start to assert yourself, your insecurities become small voices.
It takes time to process your life and figure out “who am I”.
Love,
Your Forever First Lady,
Michelle Obama
Your story is your power
We all have a unique and valuable life story. The problem is, we either don’t want to share the intimate details of our lives with others, or don’t know how to do that in a safe way. We believe that we will be ridiculed or heckled. In the past if other people found out who we really were, we believed that they would hold it against us, or not want to be a part of our lives. I’m talking about hard, difficult stories. Those are the ones that we hide.
We are afraid to be vulnerable. It’s how we were raised. Don’t share your personal life with other people. No one needs to know what goes on behind the closed doors of our homes. So, we shrink. We don’t let people in. Our story becomes for only us, and nobody else can know about it.
But as we saw in the first message above from Becoming – our story that is filled with all the highs and lows of life, that may seem ordinary to us, that’s what makes us unique. Our viewpoints on life are all shaped by the stories of our lives. It’s how we relate to others, or how others can relate to us. Sometimes when we bare our souls to someone else, we may find that they were struggling with the exact same thing, but were too scared to share.
There are so many stigmas in our society. We can’t talk about depression, anxiety, miscarriages, infertility, infidelity, struggles in our marriages, troubled teens in our families. The list goes on and on. But, why not? Those are all common problems that people struggle with in every family. There are no perfect families in this world. Even if they look perfect on the outside, they are not.
We are afraid to be vulnerable with each other. But, our stories have value. We would be more relatable, if we just started opening up to more people. Start with the people closest to you. Have one meaningful conversation a day. Choose to believe that what you have to share will either help someone else who is struggling, or help you process what you are going through. Stories are powerful in that way. Stories are our way of becoming who we are meant to be.
Becoming requires effort on your part
Once you decide to be more vulnerable and open up to either your family, close friends, or even a trusted mentor, you will find the tools you need to use your voice more often. The inspiration for this blog is all of the women everywhere who struggle with finding their voice, and asserting themselves. I’m actually one of those women. Just because I’m here writing these words to you doesn’t mean that I don’t struggle sometimes. It means that I’m progressing in my journey to becoming the woman that I want to be.
But, I wouldn’t be able to do that if I didn’t begin the hard work to learn about myself. I had to first figure out who I was, and how that was holding me back. A year ago, I would have been content to live in the shadows, but that lifestyle wasn’t serving me. I wasn’t growing. In fact, I felt myself shrinking. I knew that I didn’t want to be invisible my whole life, allowing other people to dictate who I was, what my career aspirations should be, and how I should live my life.
I went on my own journey to self-discovery, beginning with redefining myself. It was then that I started to know my own voice, and show up for myself in the world the way that I wanted to be seen. And when I began to assert myself, I did notice that my insecurities started to shrink, and my true self started to elevate. My confidence grew, and I began to reach out to other women who were going through a similar invisible life path.
That journey didn’t happen overnight though. I’ve always been big on personal development. I loved to read since I was a very young child. If you saw me, I was probably holding a book in my hand. That’s one of the ways I learn about myself – through reading. Perhaps, you prefer podcasts, writing, drawing, or some other creative means. Whatever it is that excites you, then start there. It takes time to figure out who you are, and who you want to become. But trust me, it’s worth it!
How courage is a part of becoming
In order to be vulnerable to share your story, to start to assert yourself, to look within yourself, to use your voice, to process your life, you have to use courage. Courage is a necessary part of becoming the woman that you want to be. Without courage, and actually stepping outside of your comfort zone, you will remain stagnant, or even begin to shrink, like I was.
I was afraid to step out of my comfort zone. My safety was in not showing people who I really was on the inside, not engaging in hard conversations, and not letting people in. But, I had to challenge myself in order to grow.
During the middle of May I issued myself a challenge to put myself out there more on social media, through the use of video. You can follow me on IG, go watch my videos here. I issued myself the challenge to post 1 minute videos every day for 16 days. Here’s the thing – I have big audacious dreams about what this small blog could become. In my future, I see a Youtube channel, a column in a national magazine, a coaching practice, more online courses, a program for teenage girls, and so much more.
But if I can’t record and post a 1 minute video, because my anxiety gets the best of me, how can I stand up in front of a group of mothers and daughters and talk to them about building self-confidence? How will I be able to get my message out there to the women who are feeling invisible? Will it be possible that I can inspire a group of preteens to speak their minds when they want to hide under a turtle shell instead of face a bully?
I won’t be able to confidently do those things, if I don’t step out of my comfort zone right now. So that requires me to summon my courage. Every day, as best as I can do to a hard thing. For that is the only way to proceed on my journey to who I am becoming. A woman on a mission to change the lives of preteens, teens and other women who feel unseen, unheard, and invisible in their own lives. And I’m not about to let my comfort outshine my courage. For I am, becoming.
With love,
