Take control of your life story!

Dear Ms Anonymous,

Do you ever feel like other people are in control of your life? Or that your life story is always going to have the same narrative?

I recently had an interview with Anna Krjatian. Anna is an author and women’s trauma healer who helps women overcome and heal traumatic experiences and find their inner Goddess. During the interview she amazed me with her life story… one that resembled some pieces of my own. Anna has a soft, yet powerful strength that she uses to guide herself throughout her life.

Anna’s past life story

Growing up in a patriarchal family, Anna experienced the type of control that I did, except for her it was a million times worse. Although my parents would argue that they don’t use, and have never used control as a means to “parent” I would argue that they are wrong. In my West Indian family you do as the adults say, when they say, and you don’t say a word about it.

But, Anna also endured the psychological, and emotional abuse that no one should ever endure. In her household the women were the target for control, by any means necessary. Crying and self-expression were not permissible in her household. It’s not a great way to grow up, and learn to thrive.

In an effort to get away from the abuse, Anna used various defense mechanisms. She became cold and harsh with those around her. And even built an impenetrable wall around herself, brick-by-brick. The only way she was able to escape the grief and anger was to focus on her education.

Anna rewrote her life story

As her anger and grief became too unbearable, Anna started to suffer from depression. All of the pressure and control caused suicidal thoughts, loss of appetite, and Anna began running on autopilot. Finally, she broke down.

On that day she decided that she would use writing as a way to get herself out of the hopeless feeling she was experiencing. She started with an empty diary, and whenever something happened in her life, she would write it down.

Eventually she had written enough that she wrote her first book, without even trying. When Anna shared some of what she had written with friends, she realized what she had written in that journal was her first book.

Anna’s first book, Unmasking Depression, is a story of hope. Because even in the midst of her despair, hope kept her going. She believed that tomorrow would be better. And finally, Anna’s todays are the tomorrows that she believed in so many years ago.

Courage to release control and take over your life story

It takes courage to release control over your life. Courage doesn’t happen over night. Like the walls that surrounded Anna emotionally, courage is built brick-by-brick. Courage is the act of saying “this is no longer my life story. My future cannot continue in this way. I’m worth more than what has happened to me in my past.”

If Anna didn’t release the control that her father, and family, had over her life, she would not be here today. She would not have created a workshop that helps others turn their pain into their purpose. And she definitely wouldn’t be writing her third book right now! You go girl!

If not for courage, I would have never found Anna on Facebook, sharing a story about how 7 years ago she felt so alone. Anna shared a picture of herself from her graduation day – a day that carries feelings of achievement and excitement for the future. Instead the photo captured a smiling face, and eyes riddled with grief.

I understand those eyes. Those are eyes that I’ve seen before on my own face. I see them often when I look in the mirror, and remember my failure as a foster parent. My life changed so powerfully on the day that the child moved in. But the grief set in shortly after he moved out.

I had really big dreams for the adoption journey that I was on. It was a journey that started with a leap of faith, and courage woven throughout. A journey that many people tried to talk me out of, but I didn’t listen. I wouldn’t listen because that was supposed to be a part of my life story.

If I had listened to the people who were trying to control how I grew my family, I would have never had that experience. And that experience is one that although sad, and painful, I would not have traded, because it built me into the strong warrior I am today.

Who is that girl?

When Anna looks back at that photograph from 7 years ago, she hardly recognizes herself. She asks “who is that girl?” And when I look at my photos from 1 year ago, I ask myself the same question.

A year ago, on June 15th, I was a girl filled with hope and light. And through a hard year, my eyes have a little bit of sadness and grief that still shines through. But I know that I am on a journey through this life. I take the good with the bad, the happy and sad. It’s all part of the journey.

My passion for life is fierce and faithful, just like my new friend Anna’s. While Anna bears her soul in her journal, and books, I bear mine right here. On the pages of this blog I share the story of my past, and I write my future.

I never thought I would start a blog. The idea came by accident, and it turned my whole life around. It’s not something that my parents would have imagined that I would do. But, I decided a long time ago to release their control over my life. I want to exist in a world where we are equally adults. I am not a 30-something year-old child they continue to dominate.

My purpose is to help you find your voice, through whatever means are important to you. And by doing that, I’m also finding mine. I’m glad you’re here with me on this journey.

With love,

P.S. – Check out Anna’s first book Unmasking Depression, and order it here! And her second book Poetry on Love and Loss, you can order it here! Follow Anna on Instagram!

P.S.S. – I know Anna and I were destined to meet! In my April post, which I wrote in March, I featured an article Unmasking Self-Confidence. We’re both on a journey of personal development transforming and changing our destiny.

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