Dear Ms Anonymous,
Today’s post is about raw, honest emotion. I struggle with that a lot. Maybe you do as well. Letting people into my deepest, sad places, is not something that I do often. But perhaps it’s time I started.
The struggle of a “regular” everyday life
Here’s the thing, looking at my life from the outside, it’s not picture perfect for a 30-something of this day and age. But it’s quite typical and mundane. Five days a week I get up, go to a job that pays my bills, I come home, and hit the repeat button until the weekend comes. Riveting, I know!
And then on the weekends I run around like a fool trying to accomplish a million tasks that I’m too mentally exhausted to do after work. Does my struggle sound familiar to you? Do you live the same type of life that I do?
As my mom told me one day, my life seems empty. I would, of course, argue with her that it’s not. Because honestly it isn’t!
I’m married to a great guy, have two adorable kitties, lots of family and friends who love me, passions and achievements that fill my life. When I attempt to count my blessings it feels like trying to count the stars in the sky. I have more than enough.
Enough… isn’t that where envy should end?
No, being satisfied with what I have is where envy should end! I, like many people, struggle with being satisfied with all that I have. Do you have the same struggle daily?
In a world of mass consumption we seem to be obsessed with the next best thing, whatever that is in our individual lives. So, what’s my next best thing? (Or just the next thing in general that would make me feel more fulfilled in my life…)
The truth about my struggle
Raw honest truth ahead.
I struggle with the fact that at almost 38 I’m not yet a mom. Ok, I was a mom for 5.5 months. (I shared a little bit about my foster care journey in my last Redefining Me post.) But my heart is feeling empty right now because the child I thought I would adopt into my family is gone.
I read about the grief that comes after losing a child, or after a foster child moves to another home, even if the child was only there for a short time. Well, grief come on in. Sit down, stay a while. I’ve been waiting for you to ring my door bell. Today my struggle is getting through you.
But even when grief finally is ready to leave and I’m ready to move forward, I still may not be a mom. My body still may not do what it needs to do to carry a baby. The agency still may not call me to ask if a child can come and live in my home. And still, the grief lingers a while longer.
Not having or feeling “enough”
My envy of mothers everywhere will still cause me to struggle with all of the “enough” that I have. I wonder, why am I feeling like everything in my life is riding on this one particular thing? Comparison, I guess!
By this age, society says women should already be married, have 2 kids, a house with a white picket fence, a dog, a career, etc. Thus, by society’s measure, I’m late! But what will happen if I never arrive? Will I be a failure if I never get that particular thing?
If I’m never a mom, will I survive? Yes! Can I find fulfillment in everything else I have in my life? I hope so.
I’m being honest with you all because this is a real struggle. Something that I deal with every day. Women with their children are everywhere I go. And I know they struggle! They have their own things that they envy. Hell, they probably envy the empty nest life that I live. They may want the freedom to do what they want, go where they please, whenever they feel like it. They compare their lives to mine, while I compare mine to theirs.
What would happen if we all decided to just enjoy the stage of our lives where we are? And if we released envy and comparison from our hearts and minds? I submit that we would all feel less pressure to be someone we are not. We would be happier, more in love with everyone around us, and more willing to do great things. That is, whatever great means in your personal life dictionary.
We would start to redefine our lives, and our selves through the use of new words. By doing that we would start to see our lives in a completely different light, bringing our best forward every day.
Releasing envy and comparison from our lives in order to increase our joy
We don’t have to continue to struggle with envy, comparison, or whatever it is that plagues us. We have to live confidently in the lives that we are living. Growing in understanding who we are. Loving ourselves enough to accept that some things we just cannot change. And working on the things that we can.
Today let’s decide to change our attitudes towards having enough. And not just having, but being enough! We can acknowledge our struggle, but let us not remain in that place. There’s no growth there. The growth comes from knowing where we feel lack, and realizing that we have plenty of joy around us to fill the void.
With love,
P.S. – If you, like me, struggle with everyday envy and comparison, listen to Jay Shetty’s 7 Ways to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others, including his tips on how to define your own personal success.