Learning to be alone, together

Dear Ms Anonymous,

Are you finding yourself spending more time together with your family these days? It’s pretty much a given due to the stay home orders, in an attempt to flatten the curve. But just because we have to do it, doesn’t make it easy, now does it?!?

Learning to be alone

Unfortunately, right now, we all have to learn how to be alone. This is especially true for our older family members who live on their own, who cannot have visitors, or travel. I know, it’s hard. Plenty of my family members are in the at-risk category, whether they want to admit it or not!

And I feel bad that right now they are stuck somewhere and have to be alone. But it’s better to be alone right now and stay healthy, than be sick in the hospital, without visitors. So, I have come to accept the fact that right now is not a time for travel or visiting or seeing people that I miss.

Right now is a time for learning how to be alone. But how do we do that?

There’s so much to do actually! I learned about more resources in the past few weeks, than I have in the past year! A group of my friends started a socially quarantined Facebook group where they post about cultural resources that anyone can enjoy!

For example: Vogue has created the best online exhibitions that you must see. Check it out!

I’ve also witnessed parents become teachers overnight – learning how to home school their children so they don’t fall behind. Great job parents, keep up the good work! The resources are out there – ask a new home school teacher (a.k.a. a seasoned parent) for some ideas!

When we have to be alone, it’s a good idea to learn about ourselves, also. In times of quiet we can really discover who we are.

Being alone, together

Being alone, together… now that’s the hard part! For most of us, we haven’t had to be with the same people 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, for weeks on end. And we are learning to adjust.

But whether you are stuck with your spouse, or your kids, trust me, you’re going to learn a lot. You’re going to learn about yourself, and the other person.

You will learn all of their bad habits, and figure out how to deal with them. And you’ll probably learn some of your own. It’s alright. Extend yourselves some grace. We’re going to be in quarantine a bit longer.

Use the time to learn how to be together. Play board games, have deep conversations that you’ve been avoiding, learn a new craft together. Find some shows on Netflix that you both might like, and do some binge watching. You’ll find new topics to talk about. You might learn that your spouse or child has a passion that is just being discovered. And you can discover it together!

Although I really don’t care for the memorizing of facts that comes with learning history, I fell totally in love with Hamilton over the past week! I watched Some Good News on YouTube, where John Krasinsky surprises a super fan with a Hamilton Zoom bomb, and was totally captured by the singing. My husband did too! Now we’re singing Hamilton songs all the time! Something that definitely wasn’t even on our radar connected us in a whole new way!

Remember compassion

The one thing to remember is to have compassion for yourself and those around you. We are all going through an extremely different and difficult time. And we all need a little bit of love and compassion.

If you feel like you are about to burst into anger or tears, take some time for yourself. Just because you have to be alone together, doesn’t mean you can’t be alone by yourself. We all need alone time. If you need some ideas for self-care, check out my March Into Self-Care series!

And if you’re feeling lonely, reach out to a friend via phone, or Zoom, or FaceTime. There are plenty of people you know that need a little bit of connection right now. Extend a little love and compassion to someone you know doesn’t have anyone to talk to. Catch up with them, and make sure they’re okay. We need each other during this time.

Because even though we have to stay socially distant, doesn’t mean we can’t connect.

With love,

P.S. – Who do you need to connect with right now? If you need connection, reach out to me. I’ve got noting but time for connection right now, and I would love to talk to you.